Bathing Suit Shopping is one of the most terrifying phrases in the English language. I wasn’t always so melodramatic. Before I was a mom, bathing suit shopping was never fun, per se, but it was tolerable. I’ve never been one of those easy-breezy girls who could confidently strut their stuff in a bikini. (Teach me your ways!) But I was comfortable enough rocking an unassuming two-piece. (Bandeau top and full coverage bottoms only, please!)
Since becoming a mom 2 years ago, bathing suit shopping has morphed into my own personal nightmare. It inflicts suffering, trepidation, anxiety, fear, anguish, and most of all, downright grief!
The 5 stages of grief are completely applicable when discussing one of life’s biggest challenges: the quest for the perfect (or at least semi-decent) post-baby bathing suit.
Stage 1: Denial
I can totally go all summer without stepping foot in a bathing suit. Except that we’re going on vacation on the lake. And there’s also a pool. Oh, yeah, and I’d also really like to take my daughter to a water park. Of course, it will likely be 90 degrees, but I can surely manage in my cover-up, right?
Stage 2: Anger
How dare none of my old (read pre-pregnancy) bathing suits fit me anymore! How dare I have to make a trip to an actual store! What is with this harsh dressing room lighting? And why are there so many straps on a one piece? Who can possibly get this on by themselves? I thought one-pieces were supposed to be more flattering, talk about a TOTAL lie! This is an OUTRAGE!
Stage 3: Bargaining
Ok, so maybe if I commit to eating lean salads and pass on desserts all week I will look great in a bathing suit come the weekend. I can also try some self-tanner. My ghostly legs aren’t doing me any favors. That’s it – 1 week of healthy eating and tanning towels – I will absolutely be poolside ready in no time, right?
Stage 4: Depression
Well, my bargaining plan was a fail. I should have worked out more this year. Why am I so lazy? I should have paid closer attention to my diet. Why do I love treats so much? Let’s face it: nothing will ever look right on my body. I should just bury myself underneath my blankets and do a reverse hibernation. I have a winter body anyways. I’ll see y’all when it’s sweater season. Woe is me.
Stage 5: Acceptance
At the end of the day, no one really cares what I look like in a bathing suit – except for me. No one else is paying attention to my lack of thigh gap or the fact that my abs most definitely aren’t made of steel. Allowing insecurity over something as trivial and superficial as how I look in a bathing suit – a silly bathing suit for crying out loud! – to ruin my summer is just downright ridiculous. And guess what, mamas? We’re smarter than that! So I won’t do it. I’m going to laugh, splash, swim and see summer through the magical eyes of my daughter. I’m going to wear the silly bathing suit – for me, for you, for mamas everywhere! Who’s with me?
