Jumping in Puddles: A Note From a Recovering “No” Mom

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I used to be a “no” mom. I will admit it. I am not proud of it. I was so comfortable with saying no to so many things that it became second nature. Until one day, the skies cleared and I wanted to say yes to the hopeful look on my kiddo’s face. This is how I stopped limiting possibilities for my kids and myself and started entertaining the “what ifs”. This is about becoming a “yes” mom.

The switch happened one afternoon while we were joining my side of the family at a local park. It had rained earlier in the day and my energetic three-year-old son went straight for a muddy puddle. I yelled, “Don’t you dare jump in the mess!” Of course, he was already mid-air jump and I heard his squeal of laughter. I could feel the anger rising inside my chest nearly extinguish when I saw the pure joy spread across his face.

Then it hit me: Why was I so angry? He was behaving like a normal three-year-old little boy, but I was fixated on the fact that he disobeyed. At what point did my parenting style become so restricted that I wouldn’t let them jump in puddles? I immediately retreated to myself and began analyzing my motives and actions when it came to my littles. These are the two reasons I discovered hiding in the dark, gross corners of my guilty conscience.

Reason #1:

I became contentious of other’s view of my parenting style. I thrived on the compliment, “Your children are so well behaved! You must be so proud!” Selfishly, I was very proud. They listened and obeyed because I had laid the foundation that any resistance could be punishable. Had I become so concerned about other’s judgments that I had overlooked the considerations of my children? Perhaps.

Reason #2:

It was too comfortable to ‘just say no’. “Can we make brownies and lick the bowl?” “Can we ride our bikes down the sidewalk?” “Can we meet my friends at the park to play?” No, no, no. More often than not, if they were asking something that messed up my plans then I would say no. My excuses: it’s too messy, too hot, too loud, too many people, just to name a few. I got really, really great at convincing myself that the “out of the ordinary” activities and playfulness was just too much. Monotony was easy, clean and safe. How exciting for my kids, right?

So, I had identified my awful, terrible, boring motherly ways, now what? How do I begin to rearrange my expectations so that we (i.e. my ENTIRE family) could breathe a sigh of relief and actually enjoy life together without such strict barriers? I began asking myself the same questions when my kids would ask permission: Is it safe? Is it healthy? Is it going to help them or hinder them from growing into good people?

I started small. I began to let go in small areas, hoping it would get easier to let go of the bigger issues. You want to make cookies? Okay. You want to cut a magazine into confetti? Shew, alright. You want to wear rain boots with gym shorts to school? Um, okay. That was tough, but okay. Saying yes slowly became easier, and even fun. We began skipping into grocery stores, dancing in downpours, singing amongst large groups of strangers…okay maybe the last one was just me, but the laughter was contagious and fun was had by all. I began to enjoy the sporadic, unpredictability of life with my children in the prime of their childhood. Imagine that.

I still have rules, don’t worry. I also still have days that I fall victim to my past and want to squash the messy quirkiness that my kids present. But I am, just like my children, still learning and growing. There is a little room I think, for everyone to say yes more often and maybe even jump in a few puddles.