I Don’t Care If My Children Are Successful

I remember being asked during my first pregnancy, “What are your hopes for the baby? What attributes of yours do you hope she will have?”

At the time, I hoped she would have my resiliency. I hoped she would have my husband’s laidback attitude. I know now that my children are not miniature versions of myself or my husband, nor should they be. Their characteristics are entirely their own and I am just lucky enough to bear witness to them. I get to soak up all their good qualities, their not-so-good qualities, even their “bad” ones.  My job as a parent is to love my children exactly as they are and where they are. Whether they are happy, playful, spirited, wild, angry, sullen, or sarcastic. Whether they are rich, poor, intelligent, unintelligent, talented, untalented, successful, unsuccessful, or anywhere in between. Loving unconditionally is far easier in theory than in practice.

Both parents and children feel an enormous pressure to be successful that it is hard to ignore. On one hand, it is wonderful to have drive and want to accomplish all that we can. The problems seem to arise when we parents rely on our children’s actions to boost our own ego. Or when we make our children’s decisions about us instead of them. Our children are separate from ourselves and shouldn’t be weighed down by our ideas of who they should be, what they should do, etc. 

I’ve experienced enough of life to know what really matters.

I know that happiness is fleeting. I also know that true happiness feels less like the high that’s sold to us in television shows and more like peace. It is a feeling that cannot be bought with fame or fortune. My hope for my children is that they know and feel that peace.

That’s it.