Love. Every. Minute. It could be your last.

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“Hearing of the loss of a child made me “Enjoy these moments, one day you will miss them.”

“Love every minute, it all goes by so fast.”

” Don’t sweat the small stuff.”

” Always kiss them goodnight.”

At some point in our motherhood journey we have received these precious words of advice.

 If you are like me, most days you can easily brush them off and go on about your day.  You can light heartedly accept that today’s moments will flee and you can begin again tomorrow.  Through your groggy, sleep deprived new mommy eyes, you accept these words.  You accept that the time with your child is precious, and that these memories you are making will last forever.

But what if they don’t ? What  if they CAN’T? What if these few moments really are the last? What if the last time you hugged your child was it?  What if you can never breathe in the sweet smell of your child’s hair?   What if…? The list goes on and on.

I share these thoughts with you from a very heavy place in my heart.  I cannot pretend to understand what it is like to have lost a child.  I do not pretend to speak for any mother who has suffered such a loss.  I only speak from a source of grief for a fellow mother.   I speak out of the fear of losing my own child.   I speak from a source of sadness I pray I will never fully understand.  It is unfortunate that sometimes it takes events of the most horrific kind to make the rest of us appreciate what we still have.

Hearing of the loss of a child made me review my inventory of memories.  Thoughts flooded my mind, and the eternal roll of questions began to play out:  Did I hug him enough today? Did I say goodbye before he left? Does he know how much I love him?  Will I always remember the way his eyes sparkle right before he tells a joke? Why did I get annoyed when he couldn’t find his snack in the refrigerator, instead of appreciating that he was looking? Do I even have the right to be sad today, since I still have my baby? Why this? Did I do enough of that? How can I…? When did I…?

So many questions.  So many moments.  Did I make the most of them?

Will I make the most out of the rest of them?

I hope so.