I always knew there would be a lot of magic in motherhood. But, I could never have imagined all of those little sparks and special moments, nor could I have ever understood what that magic truly felt like until… well… I felt it.
Hands down, my favorite part of motherhood has been the way my kids simply “fit” with me… both figuratively and literally. The figurative part makes sense… they are my kids and are being raised by me. I always felt there would be truth to the statement “It’s different when they are your own kids.” But, the literal part continues to surprise me and I say little prayers of thanks for this almost daily.
My oldest is 7… too fast approaching 8. The other day she climbed into my lap and curled up against me. I started to tell her she was getting to big for my lap, but she smiled and shook her head and cuddled in closer. And you know what… she wasn’t too big for my lap. She was perfect. And so we sat there for a while, her with her eyes closed and little fists balled up against my chest. And me with my head resting on hers. She wasn’t heavy… I wasn’t uncomfortable. She just fit.
This morning, my youngest (who still can’t imagine a world where she doesn’t sleep in my bed with me), woke up and found her happy snuggle spot. I had surgery earlier this week and I have been keeping some distance from the girls because of pain and discomfort. However, this morning, I was feeling comfortable enough to risk letting her get close. She has a way of wrapping herself around me… which one would think would become very suffocating to a claustrophobic mom like me, but it’s surprisingly comforting to me. She curls her body into all of my curves and tucks her head under my chin and there is virtually zero space between us. In these moments, I feel most like a mother. She just fits.
When they get hurt, it’s my arms that instinctively know how to comfort them. When I see sadness in their eyes, I know exactly how to wrap my arms around them or place a gentle hand on their cheek. They will sneak their hands into mine when I least expect it and the peace it brings me is instant. We have the best snuggle pile when reading before bed. They just fit.
I have many little ones in my life who I love and love to snuggle, but that feeling of cohesion is never the same as it is with my own children. I imagine that this is true to for all moms. When they are yours, it’s a gift and they fit.
“Mom, you are the best Mom in the world.”
Full disclosure, my initial response was… “I don’t know about that, but thank you.” (Why is it so hard to stop at thank you?) But, then she snuggled in more and I corrected myself.
“Thank you baby, I try to be a good Mom and I do think I am the best Mom for you. Because even when we aren’t perfect, we are pretty perfect together.”