Sexual Assault Awareness Month was started to bring attention to the issue of sexual violence. It takes place every April and as both a mother and survivor, I believe it is important to discuss how sexual assault survivors grow and struggle as we become parents.
During all my hours of research on parenting, I never found an article that explained to me what this experience would be like. I found plenty of grim research studies on the myriad of ways I would inevitably fail, but nothing from other parents. Statistically speaking, I know that there were more parents out there going through this turbulent journey into parenting with a history of trauma.
Many survivors never speak out and there are a plethora of reasons for that. We are embarrassed, we are fearful of repercussions, we don’t want sympathy- the list goes on and on. It was not so long ago that the idea of writing my own story would have left me frozen with panic.
It is vital that we allow survivors to speak out on their own terms, in their own time. Personally, I would like to give recognition to the #metoo movement that Tarana Burke started over 10 years ago. The recent media attention of the #metoo movement has given many survivors, myself included, the confidence to share their stories.
As a survivor of sexual abuse, I have found that trauma affects most aspects of my everyday life, especially parenting! It is excruciatingly difficult. The innocent explorations of my children can send me spiraling into a paranoid panic. The incessant touching leaves me flustered and even angry.
My list of triggers is seemingly endless. I need an excessive amount of self-care. Any parent knows that this job is incredibly taxing, emotionally and physically. Add on the burden of mental health issues and I am a special sort of tired. One that often aches in my bones.
Yet, there are so many beautiful things trauma has taught me about parenting. I always ask permission before kissing my children. I cherish their autonomy and their authority. I hold fast to their innocence. I am deeply empathetic and I know that there is beauty to be found in pain.
This process is difficult, but it is nothing short of amazing. Each day I am grateful for the lessons I have had the opportunity to learn. I am grateful for my family and their endless support of me. I hope that anyone reading this who is also in need of support will feel free to reach out to me or click on any of the links I will share below.
We do not have to live in silence if we do not want to. We can share our stories and grow stronger together.
Wow…loved this post! Thank you for writing this.
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