I Don’t Ask Because I Do Care

To all of the mamas-to-be I interact with,

More often than not, I don’t ask because I do care.

Now let me explain. When I was pregnant for the first time, I don’t think any book, blog or natural instinct could have prepared me for the newfound interest family members, friends, acquaintances and strangers alike would have in my bump. At first, it was new and exciting and flattering. I mean, who doesn’t love a good dose of attention every now and then?

But soon, the constant questions and attention my belly was drawing became too much to bear (Full disclosure: I’m an introvert, so that may have had something to do with it, too). I was getting advice I didn’t ask for, name suggestions I didn’t want or need, questions I didn’t want to answer… What was supposed to be one of the most magical times in my life was turning me jaded.

It was at the point when I resorted to wearing oversized sweatshirts rather than my cute maternity tops to hide the fact I was in pregnant when out in public that I told myself I’d never make another expectant mama feel as uncomfortable in their own skin as I did.

From then on, I vowed to:

Never ask a mama-to-be if she has a name picked out yet for her little one on the way. My husband and I were one of those couples who could NOT agree on a baby name to save our lives, so we decided early on to wait until our little guy was born to settle on a name, much to our family and friends’ dismay. We were bombarded with, “Have you picked out a name yet?” and, “You’re running out of time to pick a name,” and, “Do you need name suggestions?” No, we hadn’t picked a name out yet. Yes, we knew when our baby’s due date was. And absolutely not, we didn’t need any suggestions. The constant scrutinization of our baby’s name put a serious damper on the whole naming process.

Never ask whether or not she’s having a girl or a boy. Ok, this one’s pretty hard to stand by, I will admit. I don’t want to seem disinterested when talking to an expectant mom, and this is a pretty obvious and common question to ask. But if I do ask, I won’t follow up the mama’s response with, “Well you’re carrying awfully high/low for it to be a boy/girl” as the woman in front of me in line at Speedway so eloquently pointed out during my pregnancy.

Never share unwanted pregnancy/new mom advice. “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” “You’ll never end up using [insert baby product], so don’t waste your money on it.” “Enjoy your first pregnancy because it’ll never just be about you again.” The advice and resources available to expectant and new moms are endless, and chances are, they’re already getting it from a variety of different sources. If a mama-to-be wants your advice, she will ask you and seek out your help specifically. Otherwise, it may be best to just bite your tongue.

Never touch the bump. No explanation needed…  

Always ask a mama-to-be how she is feeling. Even though I didn’t always love the attention I got while pregnant, it was always so nice when someone asked about me. How was I feeling? How was I coping with becoming a new mom? Did I need help with anything? It’s easy to focus all of the attention on baby, but mama is the one growing that tiny human and deserves some love, too.

While these aren’t hard and fast rules to live by, they’re things to keep in mind the next time you’re talking to a mama-to-be. Chances are, she’d relish a break in the baby talk for a normal conversation.

What’s the most annoying thing someone said or asked you when you were prego? Let us know in the comments below!