Alright, mommas, brace yourselves. I’m about to admit to something that isn’t going to be a very popular truth: I don’t love my postpartum body. There… I said it.
If you take a quick glance around the internet, you’ll find plenty of wonderful essays about self-love, accepting your body as it is, and the beauty of its abilities. I don’t disagree with those things, in fact, I absolutely believe that the female body is something to behold, but please just don’t hold mine.
The truth is, I want to love my body. I really do. But right now, I don’t. I could lie and tell you that I’m fine with the extra lumps and bumps and weight I’m carrying around because this body has produced two perfect little humans, but the fact of the matter is that I’m incredibly unhappy. Beneath my smiles and laughter is a woman who is insecure about her inability to lose this weight, and you know what? I’m finally realizing that it’s ok to feel this way.
It has literally taken me months to admit these truths. Once I did though, a metaphorical weight lifted from my shoulders. I realized that it’s ok to be unhappy and to want a change. After months of calorie counting, disappointing weigh-ins, and clothes that still just won’t fit, I finally picked up the phone and made an appointment to talk to my doctor. I still don’t have all of the answers yet and I’m still not in love with what I see in the mirror, but I cannot even begin to describe how happy I am to have taken the first steps toward a happier, healthier me.
So, why am I risking criticism and admitting something so deeply personal? Well, honestly, I’m hoping that at least one person can read this and think to themselves, “Wow. This is exactly how I feel too.” And maybe, just maybe, instead of feeling, even more, guilt for not loving their own bodies, they’ll finally take those first few steps just like I did to get some help in becoming the healthy and happy person that they long to be.