We had been trying for our second son for seven months when we finally got a positive (totally should have bought stock in Dollar Tree during that time period-I went through a lot of pregnancy tests.) I remember jumping up and down in the bathroom when I saw the positive test! I was overjoyed and excited and couldn’t wait to meet this little baby in 9 months.
But then I got scared.
[quote]Fears started to creep into my mind. Will I be able to love this child as much as our first? Do I have enough love to spare? Did we just ruin our well functioning family dynamic? Am I allowed to create a baby registry the second time around so I get a completion discount (the answer is yes)?”[/quote]
You know what fear never crossed my mind? Like ever. Will my kids get along with each other or spend 95% of the time hitting, taking toys and “hugging” one another? People, I was delusional. I thought the only thing I had to worry about when adding another child to this family was making sure I loved it enough. Wrong. While that is a pretty vital piece to this parenting gig, there are other things to take into consideration here. And I forgot to take them into consideration.
Know what I blame? Children’s literature. For months, we had been prepping our son for the arrival of his new brother. One aspect of this sibling preparation boot camp was reading books about brothers. In all these books, the brothers got along and cared for each other and enjoyed one another. I was so easily tricked into believing this would be true. Give me a greatly illustrated story and I’ll believe anything apparently.
Spoiler alert: This is not how brothers (and I am assuming siblings in general) operate. The lies the books told me could not be further from the truth. Siblings fight with each other. Often. Where are the books about that?
Sure, during the first few months the two of them got along just fine. One could sit in the swing while the other could go about his business with no one interrupting. Sadly, this is no longer my reality. Now, games of ball turn into a wrestling match, hugging turns into smothering and sharing snacks turns into sharing teeth marks. Where is the brotherly love, I ask?!
I grew up with siblings so I know that this is not some abnormal behavior. I just wish I would have been prepped for it. Why did no one tell me, or remind me, that siblings fight? People probably laughed at me as I voiced my only concern about having a second: “oh, I’m not sure I have enough love to give!” (Just a note-you do.) They knew. That one day my play room would be filled with the sounds of “mine!” and that most of my time is spent refereeing.
I have hope that one day my boys will get along, in about 18 years or so. Or that’s what I hear at least. I know that having each other is a gift, even if they don’t realize it yet. But let’s be honest-some days it is exhausting breaking up fights and making sure that each kid has equal e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Am I alone in feeling this way?
Even though I now know the truth, we still read these books at bedtime. I’m just more aware that these are works of fiction and not reality. It gives us something to strive for, right? I hope to one day be that peaceful looking mom watching as her children play together nicely, but I’m not holding my breath.
Do your children get along or do your find yourself playing referee the majority of the time?
