GASP. I went against the grain. The trend. The YES days and weeks and moments that blogs and Google parenting articles tell us mamas to have. Having a YES day is what we are supposed to do, right? You know, when we say YES to everything, to our kids dietary requests, to their desire to be pant-less for hours on end, and to their life as we know it. Sometimes it is simply easier. Well guess what. My YES days seem to be more then just revolving around my kids. It’s life in general. Too many times I have said YES. A packed schedule. A packed weekend. Sports and events, school and travels. Mom friends and non-mom friends. Business meetings and PTO events. “Doing good for my fellow man” and simply just doing. None has been bad, it’s all good things, but the YES has taken its toll. So, guess what. I’m done.
My summer is going to be a NO summer.
My life used to be nutso. Like, extra nutso. I said YES to everything. Quite frankly, that has calmed down by a bajillion since I have had kids. It is all in perspective though. There are different forms of YES hounding my brain and my schedule and my life. Filtering out the necessary is a challenge for me, maybe I am an odd-ball. Maybe you can relate. Either way, I am saying NO.
Why you ask?
My marriage was on ‘the verge’ a few months ago. Yup. That verge. That time when you wake up and literally everything changed. Blindly. Like hit in the face with a baseball bat the size of Texas? Yeah, some of you may know what I mean. I’ll spare you the details, but I nearly stopped breathing… for a month. Thank God for His faithfulness. He can save marriages ya’ll. So NO – I don’t want to have ‘cookouts’ all summer long, where I am surrounded by people all night long. I just want to hang out with my husband every once in a while. With no one else around us. When the kids are in bed, and it’s a warm summer night. Him and I and a cold beverage in our hands. I want to just be.
My patience was dwindling. Like I wanted to pull my hair out 24/7. I was impatient all the time with my kids and I had zero-zest. I was turning into that ‘yelling mom’. Gah. I hated it. (see marriage statement, it all related). So NO – I don’t want to be surrounded by kids all day, everyday, that are not mine (ie. non stop summer play dates). I just want to hang with mine and be still every once in a while. I want to have private picnics with them at the park and buy them ice cream at odd hours without entertaining your kids also. Sorry – not sorry.
My schedule was filling up. Fast. All good stuff. But lots of it. Who cares how busy you are, if you don’t have room to breathe. So NO – I don’t want to attend every in-home party you are having (I will support you from afar though), and I don’t want to be present at every moms night out. I mean I do, I really do, but again sometimes the good stuff has to temporarily go. Give me a guilt trip, because mom shaming is cool, right? But guess what. I just can’t. I need room to breathe. Think what you will. I care not.
My brain was about to bust. Emotions run high in this head many a days. So NO – I cannot be your ‘shoulder to lean on’ every day, or your ‘overly empathetic friend’ 24/7. Dude, I need my own shoulder to cry on. I may be strong, but I am just as weak. And quite frankly, I cannot handle your passive aggresesive ‘tude when I am not the friend you ‘want me to be.’ Get over it. We are not in 8th grade. I am sorry you are having a crap day, or that your kid was being a brat – guess what… Deal with it today.
My social media and texting obsession was getting out of control. That feeling that I always had to be logged on to Facebook in order to respond to every freaking post that was made on my wall, or in a group I happen to be in. That guilt trip when I don’t respond to a text as soon as it is received on my end. So NO – I am not going to be married to my phone. If it is a life and death emergency just call me. I plan to be outside, soaking in the vitamin D and playing in the water with my kids. No phones are allowed in water, remember?!
That’s all folks. I am stopping there. Sit and think about it yourself. What do you need to say NO to?
Sometimes saying NO is what we need in order to scream YES.