“This house is too big!” I screamed in desperation. I felt the words roll off my tongue as an absolute truth. In that very moment, a cloud lifted and I could see the problem. There was too much to do in the daily upkeep and maintenance of running a household and not enough time in the day for the things that really mattered. I longed for more time with my children. I longed for more time as a family. I longed for more time connecting with friends and fostering relationships. I longed for more time to do volunteer work and help to better my community. I longed for MORE TIME.
But time was elusive. The motherhood routine of monotony had taken hold: take the kids to school, do laundry, clean the house, entertain the toddler, pick up the kids from school, take the kids to activities, cook dinner, make sure they start their homework, baths, and bedtime. It was a current day lather, rinse, repeat mantra. I was stunted by it all and most days ended in exhaustion with half of the routine completed successfully and the other half thwarted by the unpredictability of the three-year-old. I didn’t even have the energy to talk to my husband. By 8 p.m. I was depleted and defeated with nothing left to give and dreaded the thought of starting over again the next morning.
“What can we do to help you?” asked my husband. “I need more time,” I stated. “Ok,” he said, staring blankly. Silence followed. I could see the wheels in his brain turning furiously trying to process what I was saying and at the same time trying to figure out how to give me what I needed. “I just can’t do this anymore,” I finally said as tears welled up in my eyes and a lump formed in my throat, “I need to make life simpler.”
Weeks and months followed where we examined the daily routine and talked about what to do. We are a single income family without grandparents living nearby to help with childcare. Hiring someone to help with kids or house cleaning was an expense that we were in no financial position to entertain. I mean, heck, I won’t even schedule a trip to the salon to get my own hair cut. We certainly couldn’t eat out every night in order to alleviate the dinner burden because that costs more money than meal planning and grocery shopping and we definitely could not stop doing laundry because, well, we still needed to have clean underwear! The answer became clearer the more we talked. Downsizing was the way to go.
We called our real estate agent and put the wheels in motion. A year later we were proud owners of a beautiful tri-level in a cute little neighborhood that is walking distance to the elementary school. The yard is half the size of what we originally owned, so there is less to take care of, but still plenty of yard for the kids to play ball and climb trees. The house is smaller, so chores get done in less time, but there is still plenty of space for our lifestyle. Best of all, the mortgage payment has reduced so we have the added benefit of some financial freedom. We have been able to contribute more money to the 401ks and college funds for the kids as well as set aside some money for a family vacation.
Nowadays, instead of a full day of housework, we spend our time outside building fires in the fire pit, roasting marshmallows, climbing trees, and making memories. Of course, we still have a crazy schedule of school, work, chores, and activities but there is also more time. And more time was the ultimate goal.
Truth time: I have to confess that the choice to downsize was met with resistance from my husband (thus why it took a whole year to actually do it). He was not 100% on board, and for good reason. He was giving up quite a bit in the move, including his new garage that he had custom built a few years prior for the purpose of filling it with a project car that he could work on with our kids. He had visions of amazing memories being made and endless hours of teaching and bonding with his babies. I am and will be forever grateful for his sacrifice and support for our family. Though the garage was great for resale value (as he says), I know it was also hard for him to say goodbye.
