A few years ago, I had a budding new-ish friendship with a co-worker turned friend. We had only been friends for about two years but I really thought I had made a friend for life. We both had babies close in age, we lived just a short walk from each other, and we were both SAHM’s. BOOM, done. Right?
Wrong. It actually ended in a great deal of heartache on my end. Here is my own story about how I was dumped by a friend.
We weren’t just acquaintances, her and I. We had a friendship, and while it was still kind of fresh comparatively, it was authentic. We expressed our love for each other, and each other’s children. We got each other, and it was so easy. We saw each other through some really dark times in that short season, including infertility and loss.
But somewhere along the lines, I began to notice that the friendship was becoming more one-sided. I was always the one reaching out to her. When we did hang out, I was always going to her house. One day I decided to let some time go by and not reach out to her…an experiment of sorts. Probably NOT the best way to have handled this, but alas…the experiment was underway.
Two months went by. Radio freaking silence. Y’all I was confused and so, so angry. Which of course was coming from a place of hurt. Well, lo and behold, I had to contact her to retrieve something of mine that she had borrowed. When we got together a few days later, everything seemed so…normal. I remember going into it with a chip on my shoulder, but leaving excited. I thought to myself after that reunion: “She does still want to be friends!”
Shortly thereafter, she offered to let me borrow a baby bouncer. Upon picking it up, I was told that she would be leaving it on the front porch and I could just pick it up. No invite in, which was ok but out of the ordinary for us. When I went to return the item a week later, I was told to “just leave it on the front porch.” Even though she was home, again. (Anybody need a little ice for that burn?) So, what else to do but awkwardly deliver this huge baby bouncer to her front porch right in front of the enormous picture window where I prayed that she wasn’t watching me. I felt so embarrassed and hurt. Like I had some dang cooties. I text her to let her know that it was on the front porch and I never heard from her again. Like, ever.
At the risk of sounding like the victim here, I never contacted her again either. And I do recognize that those two incidents alone are not grounds for dismissing an entire friendship. But truth be told, I felt like I was becoming a burden. The line had been drawn and she had shown me that I was no longer a priority to her. And boy did that hurt. I went over our friendship with a fine tooth comb desperate to discover the “thing” that I did, or did not do. That went on for months. It took me a long time to grieve that friendship. It was painful to do mundane things, like drive past her street or see her on social media. (I realize this all sounds like a chapter right out of a teenage love story!)
It’s been about three years since I’ve seen or talked to my once friend. I would say it doesn’t bother me anymore but that would only be a half-truth. I still think about her randomly and I still miss our friendship. I still wonder what, if anything, happened. But I imagine that will mostly fade with time. I do hope she’s happy and living her best life with her precious babies. Because that’s exactly what I’m focused on these days.
Have you ever been the dumpee, or the dumper? Please share your stories with me! I’d love to hear from you.