Alcohol: What We Should Be Saying to Our College Bound Kids

It’s hard to talk about college with students without talking about alcohol. The conversation however often stops short with a simple “Don’t do it”, “Don’t be stupid”, or “Be safe.” But what do those statements really mean? How does your child interpret them? Alcohol is so intertwined in campus culture that for many on their first night on campus they will be faced with choices about drinking.  When looking around for answers, they will be met with varying perspectives,  all largely coming from uneducated underage drinkers. So how do we as parents combat this?

Instead of “Don’t Do It”…

Have an open and honest discussion about your family’s beliefs, morals, or ethical standards when it comes to alcohol. Even if this conversation has been had before it is important to frame it with the new perspective of even away from home we expect you to uphold these standards. I always like to discuss with students that they have to understand regardless of how they feel about alcohol it is against the law to consume underage. If they choose to break that law saying “I disagree” won’t get them out of the consequences.

Once at college we discuss that there are a lot of adult decisions you are going to have to make and [quote]along with adult decisions there are adult size consequences. [/quote] Consequences that no matter how sorry you are, how much your parents want to help, or how you wish you could have acted differently will not change the fact that you have to deal with the outcome. Keep this conversation open ended, ask them questions about what type of consequences they think may happen, have them read and then explain to you their campus and residence hall alcohol policies. Most campus conduct offices will have posted sanctions online for alcohol violations.  Reviewing them up front will help your student understand how their new home will hold them accountable.

Instead of “Don’t Be Stupid”…

Many students I worked with had little understanding of how alcohol affected their bodies. They believed that the more you drank the more you increased your tolerance. In their opinion this increased tolerance allowed an almost Super (Wo)Man complex where you could drink more with little to no adverse effects. This just is not true. Discussing what a serving size is of different types of alcohol is vitally important. I cannot tell you often I responded to an unresponsive student and the friend would say “they just had two drinks!” When I would have them show me where those drinks were poured to it would be 50% of a water bottle as a liquor and the other 50% some sort of mixer. When explaining that a serving size of 80 proof liquor is 1 oz so how many ounces do you think they consumed? Their eyes would get wide and confused. Reviewing then what factors affect how you process alcohol (dehydration, eating, what you are even mixing with) and how that affects their BAC will give them a basic understanding of how to make better decisions. For parents who are wary of not wanting to sound encouraging to alcohol, I recommend phrasing from the perspective of even if you aren’t drinking you should understand how alcohol affects one’s body in case you are ever in a situation with a friend or roommate. They are then better equipped to gauge the situation and understand should the time comes whether or not the student needs help.

Instead of “Be Safe”…

Interesting research has come to light that the number one social contagion within a campus environment is binge drinking, and it has very high rates of transfer. This means that if your child is socializing with people who drink frequently and to excess they are much more likely to adopt the same behavior. [highlight]Binge drinking is transferred at a higher rate than depression, sexual activity and promiscuity, or even studying behavior. [/highlight]Discussing with your student how to assess situations, analyze their surroundings, and how to have conversations with friends will be tremendously helpful in road mapping their way out of difficult circumstances proactively. Review resources on campus and discuss the people who are there to help like their Resident Assistant (RA), Hall Director, Dean of Students Office, or Campus Counseling. Prepping your student with strategies, resources, and allies will help ease their anxiety when/ if they find themselves in a high stress situation.

Realistically, we cannot control our children’s behaviors. What we can do is ensure they have an understanding of the knowledge they need to make more informed decisions. Discussing consequences or potential outcomes is not about scaring them into making the right decision but rather, it reminds them that as young adults they are responsible for their actions. Hopefully, this will empower your student to grow towards accepting responsibility and accountability on how they treat themselves and interact with the world around them. Ultimately, isn’t that our goal as parents?

What are your tips on having difficult conversations with your college age children?