Help! I’m Afraid of My Toddler

Mortifying Mom-fession:

I am ruled by a tiny little tyrant who coincidentally happens to be my daughter.

I don’t know how this happened, truly I don’t.  I have the best intentions, truly I do.  Yet, here I am, a 32-year-old woman, who is legitimately intimidated by a toddler.

A related backstory: I am a former high school teacher.  Discipline, or “classroom management” as it is called, was always a challenge for me.  I’m naturally passive and like to avoid conflict as much as possible. (Spoiler alert: this doesn’t work well when it comes to teaching teenagers.)  Disciplining students always felt completely out of my comfort zone.  I knew they never took me seriously, and I couldn’t blame them.  I still feel anxiety when I remember the handful of contentious parents I encountered over the years!  While my poor classroom management skills weren’t the sole reason why I left teaching, they were most definitely a contributing factor.

I guess I never really thought about how my people-pleasing personality would translate when I became a parent.  But we’re here now, and oh boy, am I in over my head.

My daughter was born with a temper.  It’s just who she is, and it’s just not who I am, so it’s hard for me to relate.  When something sets her off, she gets this feral look in her eyes and WATCH OUT!  It’s like she is fully possessed by a monster: a terrifying, untamed, savage monster.  My happy girl can go from smiling to screaming in no time flat.  If it weren’t so frustrating, it might be a little impressive. 

Here’s a real-life case study of my daughter’s temper in action:

We made plans to go to the library on a weekend afternoon.  Because it was a lazy weekend morning, our daughter stayed in her pajamas until it was time to leave.  It took my husband and me (TWO GROWN ADULTS) HALF AN HOUR to change her clothes.  After entirely too much kicking (her), screaming (also her), and crying (her and a little bit of me, tbh), we finally managed to get her freshly diapered and clothed.  The fact that we’re nearly 2 years into this gig and still struggle so much with the basics is more than a little embarrassing.

Here’s the good-ish news: I’ve identified the majority of her meltdown triggers.  I know that most of the time these things are going to cause an outburst, and it’s a pleasant surprise when they don’t.  Let me break it down for you:

1. Leaving a place where she is having fun (I get it girlfriend; I’d hate to leave my tea party with Minnie and Daisy, too.)
2. Getting dressed (This one has been somewhat remedied by the fact that we now get her dressed for the day first thing in the morning. Small victories!)
3. Diaper Changes (If she had it her way, she’d be naked [or “neet-na!” as she proclaims] all of the time.)

As she’s tantrum-ing (totally a word), I have to remind myself:

1. Don’t laugh (When she is acting completely ridiculous, my first instinct is to crack a smile at the absurdity of the situation. Mama means business. MUST. NOT. SMILE.)
2. Don’t yell (Once the initial amusement wears off, I begin to get frustrated. I’m not a yeller, but it is tempting to raise my voice several octaves just to be heard over the wallows.)
3. Don’t cry (When frustration passes, and the tantrum is still going on, I give in to defeat. I’ve cried more than once with her, which doesn’t solve anything at all.)

Even though I know discipline is not my natural forte, I’ve employed several tactics.  What have I tried?  Let me break it down for you again:

1. Reasoning (HAHAHAHAHA)
2. Putting on a 1 woman variety show (I sing! I dance!  I entertain!  She still screams!)
3. Distractions (Do you want a snack? How about a toy? Let’s read a book.  All suggestions are met with resistance during an epic fit.)
4. Ignoring/Letting her cry (This one tends to be the most successful, but it is also the hardest for me to actually employ.)

I don’t want to be a pushover.  I don’t want to raise a child who knows that having a temper tantrum will result in getting whatever she wants.  I know that right now, nearing 2, we are at a crucial age where habits will be hard to break. 

So there you have it, friends.  I’m not winning at Mom Life every day, but we’re all in this together, am I right? Please, please send me your best (realistic) discipline tricks and tips for a spirited toddler.  Help a (somewhat defeated but not totally hopeless) mama out!