Before I had a child (back when I was a perfect parent) I knew exactly how I wanted to raise my child and what kind of disciplinarian I would be. I judged friends for not disciplining their kids to my standards. I always knew I would be the stricter parent, especially when I met my husband and knew that we would have kids together. And that was confirmed again when we had a little girl. There was no way he was going to be the punisher to this sweet little bundle of perfection. But me? I was going to run a tight ship.
Fast forward to life with a now 2.5 year old. And gosh, ya’ll, I don’t know what I’m doing over here half the time. I have no idea if I’m disciplining her enough, or too much. Some days I just don’t have it in me to discipline at all. Other days I’m like a seasoned Supernanny and borderline drill sargeant. But if I’m honest, I don’t feel like I’m winning on either of those days. On my discipline free days, I fear that I’m raising a little brat. I think to myself: “She will remember that I let her get away with this and she will walk all over me for the rest of her life.” And on my drill sargeant days, I think to myself: “Good grief Erin, she’s just a toddler. Give her a break.”
The Balance Struggle is REAL.
Balance, in any part of my life, is not one of my strong suits. I tend to operate in black and white, with the gray areas leaving me anxious. Perhaps it’s a bit of laziness, too. If I stick to the “If A happens, B is the result” equation, then I don’t have to put in the effort of evaluating each situation as it comes. So if I say that my daughter is going to get a time out each time she screams, “NO!” in my face, then there is nothing to think about when the time (inevitably) comes.
The honest truth is that that equation isn’t working for me. It’s exhausting to put her in time out every single time she defies me. And not every misgiving deserves a swat on the rear end. And sometimes, I just want to laugh with her when she’s doing something a little mischievous. Other times I want to offer her a little sympathy and say, “That’s ok, it was just an accident.” Even though she was probably being careless and the accident could have been avoided.
I see the flaws and naivety in my original plan. The fact has not changed that I want to raise a respectful, well mannered, and kind-hearted child. But my approach has certainly been adjusted. And honestly, the bottom line is, that I don’t need to be hard on her 24/7. She deserves a little grace. The good Lord knows that I need it from time to time as well.
We still have plenty of timeouts, noses in the corner, and the occasional swat on the rear end. And those punishments are effective for our child. She has learned that there are consequences for her actions. However, I hope she’s also learning that her mommy doesn’t expect perfection from her, ever. Her mommy is forgiving, and flexible when needed. Her mommy sometimes says bad words when she stubs her toe or steps on a lego. And her mommy will sometimes laugh if that word gets repeated by little mouths.
