I’m a first-time mom. I will gladly admit I have no clue what I’m doing. I don’t know how to make her eat, make her sleep, make her listen when I say no. I don’t know how to ensure she is emotionally, mentally, and spiritually prepared for this world.
But what I do know is that I know my daughter better than any other mom out there. I’m doing my best every day.
So, why do other mothers feel the need to input their opinions on my parenting? To “mom shame” me for my choices on feeding, on sleeping, on discipline.
I did not ask for advice. I did not ask for judgment. Neither did you. Neither did the moms who struggle with the guilt, the loneliness, and the shaming every day.
But, here we are. Shoving research in each other’s faces and hurling insults behind each other’s back. Sometimes secretly, sometimes with a backhanded comment, sometimes to purposely insult.
We share news articles about our children’s bullying and suicide rates. We share gossip on the latest divorces and separations. We point fingers at leaders, are shocked by the tragedies, and witness the heartache that happens around us every day. Why are we shocked with the culture when we aren’t actively improving it in our motherhood?
Mothers have always served as the backbone of the family, of the community. We are the CEOS, the schedulers, the nurses, the cooks, the maids. We have formed young minds at home and businesses in the workforce. We have the power to build and tear down. When we want something done, it not only gets done, but it happens fast and with passion.
If you are a mom against hatefulness, a mom against judgment, a mom against brokenness, then you are a mom against mom shaming.
I may not know all the ins and outs of this mom thing yet but I know I’m a mom against mom shaming. I know my daughter will be brought up to love first and judge never. And, I pray that our culture stops the constant judging before she is a mother herself.
A fellow mother said to me: “The fact that you have time to stage pictures, tells me that you have no idea what a tired mother really is. I have 8 kids, you have 2, get over it.” Why is her tiredness real and mine isn’t? You are a good mother if you have a messy house or if you have a neat house. You are a good mother if you open up about your problems or if you suffer in silence. You are a good mother if you stay at home and go borderline crazy, or if you go to work with a heavy heart and miss your baby all day. You’re a good mother if you make your child’s food or if you buy a jar of baby food. If you bottle feed. If you breastfeed. Single mother, married mother, divorced mother, rich mother, poor mother, minivan mother, young mother, older mother, tattooed mother, type A mother, type B mother, 1 child, 12 children, you are THE BEST MOTHER! Do not allow anyone to tell you otherwise! DEAR GOD, this shouldn’t be a thing, there are no comparisons! We love our children, and we’re all doing our best. Don’t contribute to a judgmental & hateful culture that destroys women’s self esteem and confidence. You don’t know their story. I don’t need praise, it’s just that so many of my friends go through this as well and it’s getting old. Let’s stand tall, join in together and tell our story and how this has affected us. I created the hashtag #MOMSAGAINSTMOMSHAMING please use it!