With the holidays around the corner, the hustle and bustle is real. So are those warm tinglies you get when smelling turkey and playing Christmas music. This has always been my favorite season and now that I’m a mother there’s so much more to anticipate. The cookies, the pajamas, the holiday cheer. It all excites me so much. Then, why am I already sad that it’s going to be over so soon?
This whole season of motherhood is full of emotions. I’m learning quite quickly that as soon as you’re used to one pattern, they develop a new one. Their phases and growth fluctuate weekly, wrecking havoc on my emotions. It’s hard to even enjoy something without having a negative feeling as well. I’m so grateful that my baby is healthy and happy and growing but I’m so sad she is one day further away from being my tiny, little baby.
When she was born, I was sad I wouldn’t feel her kicking inside me but melted every time I sniffed her head. The next week, I hurt every time she nursed but anticipated her weight gain. Right now, I’m exhausted with her sleeplessness but empathize with her teething. I’m disgusted with her diaper but proud she’s eating solids. I’m amazed by her strength to stand but annoyed everything is now in reach.
How can I be filled with such pride and admiration and equally be filled with panic and heartache? The balance to enjoy the moment and savor it is impossible.
Even with all these feelings soaring, I wouldn’t trade a second of it for the world. So for now, I’ll keep feeling all the feels and try to remember each one. We’ll never get this season back – the holidays or motherhood.