I have survived raising 2 children. I have been through the terrible 2,s and fearful 3’s and forgetful 4’s, the friendships that work, those that don’t, discipline at school for talking to much, the science fair projects, homework, good grades, bad grades, more homework, Ohio tours projects, guitar lessons, boy bands, puberty x2, girlfriends, breakups, new girlfriends, driving, the sex talks, the sex talks revisited and even more but this sentence is getting ridiculously long, but you get the idea. (deep breath)
This 3 year old. This cute little ball of energy. This little boy that calls me mama. This STRONG WILLED child, may be the death of me.
Becoming a mom again at 42 has been interesting. I have less energy and that spring in my step has a little bit more weight to it. I do however know that I CAN do it, because I have survived the other two. My other two boys had personalities of their own but were not strong willed, not like Max.
A friend of mine gave me an amazing book, You Can’t Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded) by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. This book as been amazing in helping me deal with my SWC as the book refers to a strong- willed child. Check it out if you have a Strong-Willed child.
Once concept in the book was how you talk to a SWC, how you form sentences that they understand and accept. This is where the magic happened for me. The IF….Then, MAGIC! Of course it is not Magic, but a way of communicating that really clicked with my little guy.
This is how it works, you first have to calm down and compose yourself, I learned to form and if, then statement I had to think rationally. After you have yourself together you look at your child and tell them, If………….Then. For example, If you want to watch a show on Netflix, then you have to put your clothes on. Another example, if you want to go outside, then you need to put your shoes on. Those are great simple examples of the if…..then MAGIC. I know it seems simple and too good to be true but it works….like MAGIC! It is impossible to yell an if them statement because you as the parent have to come up with the statement and that requires some effort- Yelling is MUCH easier but let effective.
Its been several months of the If….Then Magic at our house, and they have become easier to formulate. It takes practice but it works. There are many more nuggets of great wisdom in this book and it is an easy read. I am thankful for Cynthia and her wisdom and to my sweet friend for throwing me a lifeline when I was so frustrated with my little monster.
He even If….Then’d me the other day. Max looked at me and said, If I leave my shoes on, then I can go out to play…….and of course I said yes, because he got the MAGIC of the If ….Then.