I love the Holidays. I love the decorations, the warmth of a cozy sweater by a fire, and family. But let’s be honest the family part can get a little tricky. I think one of the trickiest holidays to navigate is the first season when your freshman comes home from college. The expectations are a Walton family extravaganza but the reality is the first holiday home can be a little… awkward.
I have listened to students and parents express their frustrations over the holidays more times than I can count. Over the years I have noticed reoccurring themes that to be honest are avoidable or at least can be managed with a little foresight. Here are my top 3 tips to surviving (and hopefully enjoying) the holiday season with your freshman.
Acknowledge that this is new territory.
Life looks a little different. Perhaps rooms were switched with other siblings or became new makeshift offices. Saturdays that used to be spent at swim meets or Friday night marching band performances become available for new traditions. Meanwhile, your freshman has undergone rapid development of their own independence.
Prepare yourself for a few growing pains. It is not uncommon for your freshman to go through a period where they feel that they no longer “fit in” at home. Friends at home have new interests and they find themselves missing their friend group from college. They may feel that they are being babied or on the flip side left out. Allocate some one on one time to check in with each other and an opportunity to voice their concerns. Remind them that no matter what changes they still have an important place at home.
Be open and discuss your expectations in advance.
This is often the area where I heard the most complaints. If expectations are not discussed the holiday can become a powder keg of passive aggressive complaints prime for a conflict explosion. Walk through a few questions with me…
- Do you expect a curfew to be followed? Is this different or the same since they lived at home full time?
- Do you expect to be informed of where they are going? What about when they will be home?
- What are your expectations about alcohol?
- What are their responsibilities while they are home? Are they treated more like a guest and pampered, expected to take over their old chores, or a new combination?
These are just a few areas that can be the most divisive. Sit down with your spouse ahead of their arrival and discuss your thoughts. Being on the same page is helpful in maintaining clear communication. Once they are home (or perhaps on the long drive home) discuss your expectations. If there are areas you are willing to adjust ask them what they deem reasonable and see if you can find middle ground. Expectations are better received if they feel their perspective has been heard.
Cherish it.
This is a wonderful part of their journey. They are full of questions, exploring ideas, and affirming their own identity. Life will soon speed up with their own careers, moves, and families of their own. Spend time listening, ask meaningful questions about their life on campus, and discover what they are enjoying in their courses. This is an opportunity to affirm the adult they are developing into and provide them with the tools they need to excel.
Not your first rodeo? What are your tips for navigating the holiday season?