I miss breastfeeding, there are many of you that think i’m insane for saying that. Maybe I am? Do I miss the sleepless nights, sore and cracked nipples, or my apparent proneness for clogged ducts? Definitely not! My youngest son recently turned three and he was weaned when he was two and a half so our breastfeeding relationship is far enough in the past that I have nothing but fond memories of the entire stage.
What I miss most about our breastfeeding relationship is the closeness we had for those two and a half years. During the moments he was nursing he was still and calm, rubbing my arm or hair and grinning at me in adorable satisfaction. I was able to live in the brief time of feeling that I still had a baby and that I was providing him something that no one could offer him and his growing little body.
Weaning him was incredibly bitter sweet and ushered in feelings that I wasn’t quite prepared for. Although I felt a great sense of accomplishment (considering our breastfeeding relationship exceeded my original goal of one year) I also mourned the end of the his baby stage. He would soon be doing more and more things on his own and desiring to do all the “big boy” things that he saw his brother doing. Even though he is a self professed big boy now, I am blessed with small glimpses of my baby that he still has in him. Every so often he will crawl up in my lap and ask, “Hold me like a baby mommy?” and then I will melt and hold him tight until he decides to run off and wrestle with his brother again.
I do miss breastfeeding my son but what I love more now is watching him learn, grow and thrive as a toddler. The bond we have will forever be evolving and changing as he gets older. Reminding myself of this fact helps me realize that this is one of many stages that I will be able to walk with him through. If I can look back on each stage with as much love and fond memories as I do breastfeeding, I will count myself amazingly blessed!