Your Child did THAT in Public?!

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carWhose kid is screaming? That’s not MY kid, right!?!? Excuse me, MY kid doesn’t hit others. He is calm and gentle.  SO – if you are the parent of a toddler or older, you have most likely experienced a screaming child in public at some point. Or better yet, you have experienced a kid who is terrorizing another child by hitting or biting. Or my favorite is the kid who is breaking things or just chucked a toy right into a nice display, like seriously damaging property in a public place.

I was at a play café with my 2.5 year old and newborn when my 2.5 year old son pushed another kid in an effort to try to take his riding toy. The other child screamed at my child. My 2.5 year old pushed him again. At this point, I carried my newborn over and knelt down to address the situation. The other child’s dad came up to me while I was talking to my son and said “Your son is being a bully. Can you get this under control?” Ummm… I can’t type the curse words that went through my head. I had my hands full and just shook my head. Who in the world does this dad think he is!?!? I mean seriously! First of all, they are 2-3 year olds and they are learning how to communicate and take turns. Second of all, do you not see me talking to my son? I’m handling it! Back off!

The truth is that most of our kids won’t be perfect angels in public places at all times. As parents, we will inevitably be embarrassed at some point by our child’s behavior. And even worse, we will be judged by other parents.

We need to stop the judgment now and learn to be accepting and supportive.

We all have bad days. We all have kids who make bad choices.

No parent is perfect, or if they are, I want to meet them.

Rather than criticizing, we need to offer to help or at least not condemn the situation further.

If you are the parent dealing with a “problem” in public, here are my recommendations….

  1. Stay calm. Your child will respond to your approach and stress level! Use a calm voice and provide simple re-direction. Always give your child positive choices rather than always saying everything they can’t do. For example, “you can walk with me in the store nicely or you can ride in the cart”
  2. Speak on their level using words appropriate for their age. It is likely they will listen more attentively.
  3. Ignore everyone else… seriously, its none of their business. If your child hurt another child, have them apologize but don’t blow the situation out of proportion. Its not necessary to make excuses to the other parent, just apologize and move on!
  4. Be prepared for next time and follow through! For example, If you know leaving a fun place is hard, develop a different strategy next time. Give a time warning (leaving in 5 minutes) and then stick to your guns. Always follow through!
  5. Practice and offer rewards! If you want good behavior to continue, you have to provide specific praise and possibly more tangible rewards. For example, “I really like how you got your shoes on as soon as I asked. Let’s go home and eat some cookies for snack.”

 

We would love to hear what tips you have for handling the ‘challenge’ in public!

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Lisa H
Hi, I’m Lisa and I’m a 30-something year old Mom to 2 adorable and active boys. Kamdyn is 6 months old and Kasyn is 3 years old. I have spent my professional career working with students with an autism spectrum disorder as a Board Certified Behavior Analyst. I currently work part-time with my husband through www.keyaba.com As a Mama and Wife, I grocery shop with coupons and try living a frugal life (although I’m not perfect). I also like to scrapbook and capture every moment possible. I love to travel. I’m getting better at meal-planning and cooking regularly. My boys and I are on-the-go and always taking advantage of various opportunities and activities around Dayton. My favorite things about motherhood are watching my children learn and discover and rough-housing with my boys.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Thank you! You have no idea how encouraging it is to have someone write about this! I have a very active 2 year old and have had to experience several public meltdowns with people giving us dirty looks!

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