I was a stay-at-home mom for about 4 years and went back to full-time work less than a year ago. Since then, however, I have caught myself wondering many times “why did I go back to work?” Then at the end of a long weekend, I’m happy to drop them off at daycare and head to the office. Having now been in both camps, it seems to be more of a matter of the grass being greener on the other side.
I am grateful that our circumstances ended up allowing me to be home with my girls for at least the first year of each of their lives. I am also grateful that I did not have to be awake all night with a constantly feeding, teething, and clingy child and then try to stay awake at the office the next day. Although I may have not felt like everyday was wonderful at the time, in hindsight, I know this was a blessing.
Since then, it’s been a constant struggle in my head between the two sides. I enjoy my work, but I also want to go pick strawberries in the middle of the week. For those of you trying to decide if you should go back to work or not, here have been my experiences with the perception versus the reality of going back to work.
The first week will be the hardest.
The first week was rough with my newly one year old having to get used to being cared for by strangers for several hours. While we all made it through that week with extra cuddles it was actually about a month or two in when we really started the hard part…once the incubation period for all the little germs they had been collecting ended. We went for a solid three months of one or more child being sick every week. It likely didn’t help that it was during the winter, too. They weren’t even sick with the same things – one would be throwing up and the other had an ear infection and fever. Every now and then we would get to Friday with everyone being at work or school all week to wake up Saturday morning with someone sick. Don’t even get me started on the week that a stomach bug ended up working its way through all four of us.
You will have adult conversations.
You’ll get to chat about your favorite show or fantasize about vacation spots at the water cooler. However, you’ll also get to negotiate over contract details and get rejected on the phone. You’ll also get to hear the office reminder about not leaving dishes in the sink and get to learn how much you don’t know about the fancy copier. Riveting, isn’t it?
You’ll make more money.
About half of my income goes towards daycare. We still have one more year until my oldest starts Kindergarten but we will likely still need to pay for after school care and vacation time camp or care. When I started working we actually tried not to change our spending habits too much but we were able to finally replace my 10 year old sedan with a newer crossover that gives us a little more room. There are also hidden costs to working outside the home like using more gas, the occasional “I forgot to pack my lunch” fast food run, or clothing costs. Even though we have two incomes now, we still have to try really hard to make smart decisions and use meal planning and coupons to ensure we stay within our budget.
You will have more personal time.
Depending on your job, this will vary but for the most part I[quote] like that when I need to use the restroom, I just get up and go without anyone banging on the door and crying[/quote]. I was recently speaking to a work-at-home mom (which is an entirely different animal) and mentioned that most mornings I get the girls up, dressed, and straight out the door since their daycare provides breakfast and since we live close enough that I can go back home and get dressed and maybe do a few quick things around the house. All she could say was “you mean you get to shower every day!”
Even though there is a gym in my building, I haven’t been in a long while because inevitably someone has a doctor appointment or is sick, I need to stop at a drugstore or grocery store for something, or I am trying to get in a little early to make up for leaving early yesterday because a child was sent home throwing up. Again. By the time my work day is over, I am trying to get home in time to not miss family dinner.
I rarely have the chance to just go to a store to look around, go get nails done, or go on a girls night which is pretty much the same as when I stayed home but for different reasons. The little time I have to myself is after the girls have gone to bed and I am waiting for laundry to finish so I can get it folded or it will end up sitting in the dryer for 3 days. On the weekends, I want to spend time with my family so I don’t often do things without them unless they are work related. Carving out time for everyone in the family between date nights and one-on-one time with each daughter sucks up pretty much any other time left.
You’ll miss the best parts.
To be honest, this is the part that had me most apprehensive about going back to work. Thankfully, since I was home for that first year, I didn’t miss the major milestones like smiles, crawling, walking, talking, etc. It is still a little weird to me that when I mention to my 1 year old’s teacher something “new” that she did the night before they often already know because she has done it in the classroom. It does make me a little sad for a minute.
I appreciate the little changes more with her than I think I did with my first since the change seemed so gradual it was barely noticeable on a daily basis. Both girls surprise me regularly with how much they are learning. Since I have time away from them, the changes are more pronounced. Nowadays, I don’t want to waste a moment of my weekends and get a little more enjoyment out of simple outings like bike rides and trips to parks.
My favorite part now is something I rarely got before I started working because I was usually already with them. I love when I walk in the room to pick them up or when I get home, both girls usually come running to the door screaming “Mommy!”
There are still some days when I wish I could take them to something fun on a random day or morning. Or snuggle with them on the couch in the morning. Then, I realize that I enjoy getting out into the world in my own way. I know they won’t be little forever so I am trying to enjoy the time I have them but I know that I am making the best decision for my family in the long run.
What are some of the things you have learned that you can share with those moms who think the “grass may be greener?”
