1. Guilt Lies
Parenting from a source of guilt will lead you down the wrong path- EVERY, SINGLE TIME. Yes. I said it. If you have a routine, stick with it. Your child NEEDS structure and routine. They do not need a fun house, extra treat, or skipped bedtime, because you feel you missed out on something. Children do not need your guilt. Rock on, and move forward. You will both be better for it. And please, please, please IGNORE the pity looks and the “that must be so hard” comments from strangers or well intentioned friends. You are doing the best you can. For me, being a single parent was the most amazing life choice I could have made. It isn’t a prison sentence, and do not let anyone else make you feel as if it is. You can be a single mom,a good friend AND an attractive woman, you do not have to choose.
2, Don’t be a Martyr. We need help. We don’t need a white horse.
Yes, I am only one person. No, I cannot do it all. Neither can ANYONE else. I am lucky to have amazing friends who are available for play dates or baby sitting, but it didn’t happen by chance. On the contrary, I had to put myself out there, and leave my pride at the door. I joined mom groups, made friends at work, at the gym, and well, I even started blogging with some amazing ladies too ! It is okay to ask for help. It doesn’t mean you have failed. We DO NOT need “rescued” from our single mom lives. Instead, it means we are human, and we realize it takes a village. So go find your village! You do not have to do it all on your own.
3. Divorce is NOT a scarlet letter.
Once upon a time, I actually use to get angry if I had to mark the D for divorce on forms. I felt like it was giving permission for more people to judge me. In reality, while it IS a life event, it is not THE life event. Do I regret getting a divorce. No. NOT. AT. ALL. Am I saddened by the fact that it complicated life for my son? Absolutely. I have accepted it, and have moved on. Do not let the judgement of others steal your happiness.
4. Relationships are permitted…if you want one.
Being a single parent can be lonely. Hence, the word single. Although your schedule may not exactly permit a consistent relationship, you may seek companionship nonetheless. Of course, you will be cautious when introducing your little ones to your new relationship. Use your mother’s intuition, and listen to the turtle: Slow and steady wins the race. Give yourself time to heal from your previous relationship. Seek counsel if necessary. When you are ready to date again, give yourself permission.
5. You can. You will. You are.
Single parenting may indeed present different challenges than a two parent home, (For example, when single mama gets sick….no back up!) however, it is not impossible. For many years I have been able to work full time, bear the financial responsibility for my son, and make sure all of his needs were met. I think we even managed to have some fun times in there as well! I may be bias, but I think he is a pretty awesome kid! It’s about consistency and perseverance. Just keep swimming (and parenting)!
