I realized that I, myself, ruined the ability to have privacy going to the bathroom. I’ll explain – hear me out on this one. When my daughter was first born and I needed to use the bathroom I’d often just take her with me. That’s right…she wasn’t always sitting in a chair or on the floor, most times she would be in my arms when the urge hit! So often she was sleeping, or fussy, or whining or call me crazy…I just wanted to snuggle! I couldn’t put her down…. I got really good at taking off pants one handed and putting them back on the same way. Thank goodness for sweatpants!
So once she could crawl and it wasn’t quite as easy to hold her for an hour on end, I would go into the restroom alone and yet shortly thereafter I’d see the shadow of this tiny human under the door – and then – the fingers! I about lost it when I saw her stick those tiny little fingers under the door for the first time. I have to wonder what she was thinking. Probably something to the effect of “Wait a minute, aren’t I suppose to be in there with you. I know, I’ll just squeeze in through this space and find my way in.” There were also the unfortunate times where the door wouldn’t latch all the way shut, so she would roll over and then slowly push the door open and peer in at me. It was always such a SLOW, CREEPY door opening like in a horror movie. And then that sweet little face, with the crooked smile and a hint of guilt would peep in.
As she got older it became clear that she felt as though that bathroom time meant mommy and Caylee time. She would still come to the door and stick her fingers under it but she started acting like it was a game. You know the game that is “funny” the first time, but not the 10th or 1 Millionth?
“Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom” – “WHAT!! – I’m peeing – go away” ; “Mom, can you see my fingers…….they are under your door….do you see them….see them….I’m moving them…..do you see them” ; “Yes – go away”; “But Mom, do you see them….can you get them….try…try to get them….it’ll be fun”; “No – I’m peeing` (which by now I’m done but realize I’m still sitting there trying to get those few minutes alone back)….go AWAY!” ; “Ok, can I have a snack?!” ; “Yes, when I get out. Go downstairs”. Again, at this point I am done and yet I just sit there in silence and wait about a minute or two, finish up, come out and HOLY MY GOODNESS – she is just sitting – RIGHT THERE! *Sigh* “Let me wash my hands, let’s go get a snack”
Now mind you, I love my children with every single inch of myself and enjoy them beyond words – but when you are ON all the time, sometimes those moments alone (doing your business) are all you have.
I think shower time is one of those few other opportunities to slow down my thoughts, be alone, and just reflect on life. My children have found how to interrupt (I was going to say ruin) that too. The house I am in now has the glass shower doors that open from both sides. So initially the battle was my son attempting to open both doors. “Can I see what you are doing?”; “I’m taking a shower”; “Why?”; “Because I’m dirty and need to be clean, same reason I give you bathes”; “Just take a bath”; “NO – go away and let me finish” (Ok this whole time there is a constant battle of me trying to keep the doors shut without accidently smashing his fingers when he does get a gap opened, I think I even sweat a little – good thing I’m in the shower?!) Luckily he then runs away and I will find him hiding in my closet to ‘watch me get ready’ *sigh*
I know I know – lock the doors right?! Then I get to listen to them sit outside the door, gently pounding, which turns in to forceful pounding, and eventually screaming for me as though I am lost in the amazon. It’s like we were playing the ultimate game of hide and go seek and things have gone awry and they must just holler as loud as they can while banging on the door. I guess I should be grateful that they love me that much?! I am going to take it as love because the only other thought is that they truly enjoy ruining my tiny moments of peace and they wouldn’t do that would they?
So appreciate those times you do have alone but remember your children are not being spiteful. They just love and miss you and want to spend all moments with you – their favorite person on the planet!