You’re all moms. You’ve all let that modesty fly out the window during labor and delivery for darn good reason. So let’s not be shy when it comes to this topic…
There is one thing that got you into that labor situation, SEX.
Trying for that first baby is filled with giddy flirting and genuinely fun sex. If conception gets delayed, it becomes a chore, but hey its sex! Or you head to in vitro and do it that way. Either way, as some point sex was probably amazing. Or at least fun after date night and a couple of mojitos right?
Well, then baby happens. Amazing, sweet, soft baby – all hearts and roses! If you had a vaginal birth, you know that things down there won’t be quite the same but you can deal. What doesn’t get talked about is SCAR TISSUE!
Ok, so after healing up from a mild to moderate tear after the birth of my son, Cooper, I went in to my midwife for the usual 6 week check. I had just a couple stitches, not too bad in comparison to lots of women I have seen and friends I’ve talked to. I said “it still feels kind of …um, thick.”
Her response, “Oh ya, that’s just the scar tissue formation. You’ll just have to bust through that when you guys have sex for a while.”
WHAT?!?!?! Excuse me? Scar tissue…really? Once the stitches dissolve, there is scar tissue. And I have to “bust through it” when we start having sex again. WHAAAAAA?????
I. Was. Dumbfounded. Here I am with my medical background, all this knowledge, having delivered lots of babies during rotations, had advised women on postpartum care, I did a zillion hours of research…and I had never came across (or paid attention to) the fact that I may have SCAR TISSUE in the walls of my VAGINA after this baby.
OK. I’m over it, I promise…
I was just not cool with this fact and delayed having sex for the first time after baby…until about 8 weeks. HA! 8 weeks was a joke, the darn thing wouldn’t even get close to fitting in. And I was in serious pain just trying. OK, scratch 8 weeks, let’s try again at 12 weeks.
HAHA again!! This time I got smart and had probably a bottle of wine before attempting this little game we call sex again. Wincing in pain, then tears, then nevermind I can’t do this.
This saga continues for another few months,wine…lube…courage…tears…frustration…blue…you get the point. It took me 6 months to ‘break through’ that scar tissue and to not be in serious pain. And another 6 months to start relaxing and go with the flow (which helps too!).
Now we are pretty great! Cooper is 15 months old and I don’t even think twice about having sex. I am thankful my husband is patient and kind. I just wanted to give a couple of tips if anyone is struggling with the postpartum sex saga. I desperately hope your recovery is amazingly easy…but if its not:
1.) Don’t skimp on the wine.
2.) Don’t skimp on the lube.
3.) Tell him if he moves a muscle, he dies. You get to make all the moves here.