How to Become a Helicopter Parent

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helicopter parent[quote]I’ll admit it: I’m a helicopter parent. I just cannot help it.[/quote] I blame this on The Bachelor really. A helicopter is a vital part of any good date on the show, so why wouldn’t it be a part of good parenting? I kid. Kind of.

I don’t suggest this style of parenting, but since I can’t seem to shake it, the next best thing is to just make fun of how ridiculous I am at times. I mean, sometimes I just want to slap some sense into myself and yell “get it together woman! Your child is not going to be screwed up for the rest of his life because you let him go down the slide head first!” But it’s hard to let go, is it not?

Deep down, it’s my desire to control all situations which fuels my helicopter parenting. If I can control what is happening, then most of the time I can control the outcome.  That’s reassuring when you have kids. I never want my babies to be in harm’s way, but putting them in a virtual bubble isn’t doing them any favors either. I just need to take it down a notch. I promise, I’m a work in progress.

So after reading this you are probably all like “oh gosh, how do I become a helicopter parent too?!”  Have no fear, I’m here to enlighten you!

  • You must use the phrase “be careful” at least 500 times a day. I don’t even say it in appropriate context anymore. Coloring a picture? Be careful! Papercuts. Climbing down the stairs?  Be careful! I almost view this phrase as an insurance policy. As long as I say it then I have done my due diligence, right?
  • You must never leave a sitter with your kids unless you have made 4 pages of notes. And that is on the conservative side. How will the sitter know how to put your child to bed if she doesn’t know the exact order of bedtime songs?  What if the sitter uses the plate that is not BPA free? These are the reasons why you need a list. You simply cannot entrust your child in the hands of someone who has raised their own children successfully (one of them being you) if you don’t meticulously outline e.v.e.r.y detail.
  • You must have a video monitor. I mean, this is just a given. You simply cannot let your children out of your sight for 12 hours at a time! The horror! This amazing tool will give you access to your children at all hours of the night. Is that not every parent’s dream?
  • You must keep watch on the playground ready to pounce on any child who gives yours the stink eye. We all have that mama bear tendency built into us. The moment you lay eyes on your sweet babe, you realize you will do anything it takes to protect that bundle of joy. The helicopter mom takes it to the next level. I know my son can fight his own battles but why let him when I can take care of business?  I’m pretty sure my eyes turn red and I grow Hulk muscles anytime another child tries to zoom past my kid because he is going too slow climbing up the playground. It’s totally normal.
  • Speaking of playgrounds, you must be within 2 feet of your child at all times. Playgrounds should just be called “dangergrounds.” The slides! The swings! The climbing apparatus! All just waiting to injure your child. You must always be standing by their side ready to catch them when they fall. It’s a lot of work, but someone has to do it.

Now that I have given you some tips, it’s time to put these things into practice ladies! Don’t let those kids out of your sight and if you do make sure it is with an adult who has been background checked and psychologically screened! You can never be too careful when it comes to helicopter parenting your children!

Do you tend to helicopter parent or have you learned the art of letting go?

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Megan Gariety
I am the mother to two of the most well behaved children in the history of children. They listen the first time around, always clean up their messes and sleep peacefully through the night. I greet my husband at the door each night looking like a million bucks with a dinner on the table that even Martha Stewart would envy. Lies. All of it. I am blessed to be a mother to two red haired (in looks and personality) boys who are so full of energy and life you can't help but to smile. They are not known to listen the first time, sleep through the night or clean up after themselves, but they do give the worlds best kisses, so it pretty much evens out. I do greet my husband at the door each night, but usually in sweats and with a baby in hand to give to him so I can run back to the stove before dinner burns. Aside from running a non-perfect household, I also work at home sharing my Plexus health and wellness business. My faith is important to me and guides my decision making in life (minus the time I had terrible bangs in middle school-there is no way that was a God thing.) My husband proposed to me by golden ticket inside of a Willy Wonka bar and that pretty much sums up our entire relationship. My favorite phrase is "it will change your life" but it is usually only true 10% of the time. My favorite things about motherhood: taught me what unconditional love really means and finally having an excuse to wear sweats every day!

7 COMMENTS

  1. So funny & so true! Thanks for sharing…and making me realize I may be more of a helicopter than I thought! But let’s be real – I couldn’t live without the video monitor – how could I interpret all those little sounds without seeing them 🙂

  2. You forgot to mention you only leave them with mimi and grama 🙂 I actually think I may have passed this onto you. Wait for number 3, you’re helicopter stays landed by then 🙂

    • Just you wait! One day I am going to suggest a dangerground as a park date and you will think “nooo!!” It’s traumatic taking them there. For me, not them!

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