Being Other Mothered

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Watch out for...That Time I got Other Mothered.

It was the start of a new school year at a new school and we over committed to all the activities; PTO jobs, event chairs and what have you, as we all do with that oldest child. A few moms and I ran in the same over committed circle seeing each other often. One mom was that mom a little piece of you envies. She was the Bohemian Rhapsody to my hot messiness. Who could on a whim say her family was planning trip to Budapest for hiking and you’d say, “Have Fun.”  She gave of this air of hippie meets sophistication and looked good in free flowing linen that never wrinkled. [quote]My mommy life and body can’t get thru breakfast without linen looking like I’m a box car hobo, so needless to say, I was envious.[/quote]

She spoke to her kids in one of 3 languages they were learning as a family, explaining that starting immersion lessons very early to allow them more worldly freedom. Duh! Why was my grade school child NOT in an intense language program.!?! I’d leave seeing her thinking “mental note, language lessons…language lessons…languages lesson…car keys? Where’d I put my car keys?”. Now, I have ALWAYS been envious of families that were multi-lingual. In my family, multi-lingual meant you could say creek and “crick” depending on what side of the family you’re with. To this day being fluent in Italian is on my bucket list.

During a pick-up time chat Bohemian Mommy told me she saw me at Kroger last week. Mentally I started thinking… crap! I really hope it was not that day I ran in for ½ & ½ to realize I was wearing shorts and 2 different flip flops. I played it cool. “Oh really! I’m so sorry I didn’t say hi. I tend to be zoned out at Kroger sometimes.” Bohemian mom smiled her perfectly unperfected smile and said “That’s okay! We were a few behind you in line. You may not have realized it was us, because we were speaking French the WHHHOOOLLLLEEEE time. We do that. Pick days where we can only speak one of the languages we’re learning as a family.” I’m pretty sure her wink twinkled when she said that. That, or she was mimicking the annoying twitch I felt come over me.

That’s when it hit me. She was an “Other Mother” the mom who is your Pinterest Board on steroids..in public anyway. Well, Patchouli oil be dammed I was not going down like that! Some mom-petative switch flipped in me. As soon as I got to my minivan I was on Suri to set a reminder, “Suri, find Italian classes for the whole family PRONTO.”
Suri: Ok! This is what I found on the web for Family style Italian dinners.
Me: No! Find Italian language classes”
Suri: Hmm..let me see what I can find for Italian Leather crafters.
Me: AAGGHHHH!! Mental note…language classes…language classes…language…keys? How am I in the car and lost my keys?

After holiday break I tried to avoid chats with Bohemian Mommy about her family’s Magical Mystery adventures. My time was spent covered in mystery baby spit ups with little desire, for exploring more than a hot shower. I always left feeling horrible because my kids didn’t suggest writing a 1000 piece paper chain of gratitude in lieu of Holiday gifts. I never got my kids into a language class. We didn’t have a meditation station at home. Organic cows, chickens or kale isn’t the only food in our home. And, I did not have time to volunteer as the head of an art commission for about the next 8 yrs.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep and coffee…I was juggling college full time, a new baby and my oldest’s crazy activity schedule, but one day I snapped. Some where between their current expulsion of material objects and talks of a humanitarian vegan voyage planned, I glimpsed the brand new iphone in her hand and had to flee!! I smiled holding back my tears and excused myelf saying “Donde esta la biblioteca? Me tango a cerveza” Yeah, I asked where was the library because I needed a beer..or maybe wanted to dance with a beer? Who knows?!!

Thankfully I ran into that friend we all have. The one who if you don’t have anything nice to say, you sit next to. I burst into a venti sized mom failure break down, saying things like “my kids are screwed…we’re not minimalists…no Budahpest hiking…we don’t speak Spanish, Chinese OR French!!” As my mommy mind went thru the 7 stages of emotion, I hit anger. “And, come to think of it! Neither does she really! They talk about these things, but do they ever actually do them? And c’mon!! Fluent Spanish?!? I hear a bigger variety watching Dora, than listening to her!”

After the vent heard around the world, there were not many chats with Bohemian Mommy after that. Maybe she was offended that I needed to drink a dancing beer in a library or maybe it was the fact I hide in my car reading TMZ until pick up. Whether it’s intentional by that mom or not, NEVER fall into the trap of being Other Mothered. You’ll welcome this advice one day! De nada! 

Have you ever found yourself in this situation?! Please share and support your fellow mommas! We are all awesome in our own way! 

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Beth
Hi! I’m Beth Phillips lead photographer and owner of Beth Phillips Photography (www.bethphillipsphotography.com), mom to 3 and Dayton native. Well, both a native and a transplant. My husband and I grew up in Centerville (Go Elks!) and spent many years going coast to coast with his Navy career. This past May I graduated from Wright State with a degree in Fine Art, Photography. My true photography passions are births, new moms and capturing the grace and beauty of dancers.Favorite things to do around Dayton…Dragon’s Games & the splash yard at The Greene. :: Favorite things about motherhood :: Aside from snuggels, cuddels and smiles, I LOVE the pure joy and excitement kids have about the simplest things. Getting to photograph their daily tasks. And of course, bedtime!