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10 Ways To Maintain Your Friendship When Your BFF Has Kids

bff, friends, mom, parenting

So your BFF has kids now. It’s fine.

You knew the day was coming. There was a guy, and then less “girls night out”, then all of the sudden they were multiplying and now she’s asking you to pick up some baby wipes with the wine and to hold her baby so she can shower.

You may be petrified that you’re losing her, or totally bummed that you feel like you already have. But let me assure you, your BFF is still there. She’s still alive inside that tired looking woman. But she’s now taking a seat because your BFF chose to be a mother. She chose to raise this tiny human, who when he’s born can’t hold his own head up and can’t be trusted with sharp objects until he’s 4 9. It takes up a lot of time and energy, and can be quite stressful, as I’m sure you can imagine.

So what can you do to keep the friendship going when you’re spending less time together and have less in common?

If you’re fully committed to the relationship, it won’t be hard to hold onto her. Promise. It will just take a little more effort on your part. But she’s worth it, right?

  1. Call her. Four times out of five she won’t pick up because she’s momming, but on that fifth time she will and she will be so grateful you called.
  2. Fill her in on the things she’s missing. She won’t be upset. She wants to feel included so don’t skimp on the details!
  3. Bring her food. She is now responsible for feeding a whole person outside of herself, or maybe even a few of them. She probably doesn’t have time  to eat much herself and if she does you know it’s the crust off of pb&j sandwiches and leftover tater tots. Bring her something hot for bonus points!
  4. Go shopping with her. You know it’s like the female form of tribal bonding. Bond your tribe. Catch up. Tell her she should buy the hot skinny jeans.
  5. Ask her for things just like you always have: Her opinion. Her nude heels. If she can color your hair. She still wants to be your BFF, and she still wants you to “need” her.
  6. Invite her to things. All the things you used to. Maybe she can go, maybe she can’t. The key is to not get upset when she can’t go, and to treasure the times when she can. She may not be able to make it to everything, but she’s busy being a great mom, and you should be proud of her for that.
  7. Tell her you’re proud of her. Let me tell you something. Once you’re a mom, you worry every day for eternity that you’re screwing your kids up. Every. Single. Day. Hearing that from you will make her smile, and realize that she really isn’t doing too bad.
  8. Hang out with her and the kids. Admit it, your BFF is like family. Kids are now part of that family. Loving them is like loving an extension of your BFF and if you love your BFF, loving her kids will come easy.
  9. Don’t let her forget to care for herself. Often times moms will completely forget to take care of themselves because they’re completely spent after taking care of their kids. This does no good for her or her family. You can’t pour water from an empty cup. Remind her to fill her cup. Fill your cup with her. Manicures, pedicures, retail therapy, amusement parks, pool days, whatever it is, just do it.
  10. Always bring wine. No matter what times it is. No matter what you’re doing. Just bring wine.

I promise you, if you can commit to doing half of these things, your relationship will be rock solid. It will grow, and blossom, and remain with you throughout both of your lives. Kids don’t have to change everything, but they will change things. The good news is that your BFF will remember how you treated her when she had kids, and you will receive the same love that you showed her. And then when you’re old and wrinkly and surrounded by grandchildren, you’ll be grateful that you stuck it out through her transition into parenthood, and every transition in life.

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