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A Letter to My First Son, the Big Brother

The day is approaching – the day you will no longer be an only child. We always knew if we could, we wanted to give you a sibling. Siblings were and still are a huge part of my life. I’ve had a lot of milestones with siblings. That was something I wanted to pass on to you. Someone you can call “brother” or “sister” and hopefully “best friend”.

However, as the time approaches where you will be able to meet your brother, I find myself full of excitement, guilt, and sadness. There’s lots of excitement as I get to watch you be a great big brother. I know you will love him with your huge heart and show kindness towards him. And since you are wise beyond your years, you will have lots to teach him. I also know you will want to help in every way you can because you are the best helper I have ever seen in a two-year-old. I’m also excited for you to share a room; I envision you two talking and sharing secrets, and hopefully creating a bond so strong that it carries into your adulthood.

Then there is the guilt. Why guilt you ask? It’s a lot of change for you. You’ve already had a lot of change this year when we moved you into a larger room, transitioned you out of the crib into a big boy bed, and potty trained you. Now we are turning your world upside down from what you know and adding a tiny human to not only your life but your room too. He will require a lot of Mommy and Daddy’s attention and there will be a huge learning curve for us. And I feel guilty because you will have to grow up a little faster than maybe what you’re ready for – to be a good example for your brother.

But the reality is, you will most likely not remember what it was like before your brother and that’s where the sadness comes in. You won’t remember the late night and early morning feedings, or the many Zumba classes you attended with me while I had you in a carrier. You won’t remember cuddling on the couch with me and Daddy watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and countless other movies and shows. You won’t remember that the room used to just be yours and the books and toys were solely yours. You won’t remember all the attention you received, being the first child and grandchild. And you won’t remember all the outings we took as a family of three where you had all of Mommy and Daddy’s attention. 

Most importantly, you won’t remember that you were the one that first honored me with the title Mom. Because of you, I have grown so much as a person and I can’t imagine life any other way. All the moments we have had so far, and the ones we have yet to have, I will cherish forever. I will tell you stories of the years before your brother and the adventures we had so that you may reminisce with me. I hope you know that no matter what, I will always love you and the time we have together. 

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