(Spoiler Alert – It was hard & I failed)
[box type=”info” style=”rounded”]”What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.” ~Maya Angelou[/box]
I believe that what we see in the world is a reflection of what we see in ourselves; therefore, I always try to be keenly aware of what I am hearing and seeing – especially when I start to hear themes.
Last month I came to the epiphany that everywhere I turned I heard complaining – at work, at home, with my kids…out & about on the town. This made me take a step back and think that maybe I too was adding to this complaining culture – that I was creating it.
So right around Lent this year – when friends were choosing what to “give up” – I chose to try to give up complaining. When I set out on this mission I had no idea what a hard goal I had set for myself.
On the surface it seemed easy – on the work front I would avoid contributing to conversations where people were complaining, I’d keep from bringing issues up until I found a solution and I would surround myself with motivated people who were all about getting the job done – not getting weighed down with the minutia. Easy.
It was on the home-front where I encountered enormous trouble. At home I scared myself – I could not even figure out what constituted complaining and what didn’t!
Was telling my husband about a challenging day at work complaining? Was asking my husband why Miles is watching another Scooby Doo episode complaining? Was getting annoyed that no one had made the bed after the kids jumped on it complaining? Was getting irritated that Waffle (our dog) had not been fed by the time I had gotten home complaining?
At times like these – when I get lost in what I am really trying to accomplish – I try to narrow things down to the least common denominator. In this case – I went to the dictionary – what is the definition of complaining?
[quote]com·plain – verb: to Express dissatisfaction or annoyance about a state of affairs or an event.[/quote]
Well then – in answer to my questions above – YES – YES – YES & YES!
I was 100% unable to get a grasp on it. It’s like when you go on a diet – you start denying yourself certain foods and its all you can think about.
When I started to watch for my verbalizing complaints – It’s all I seemed to hear myself doing – it was like I turned on a facet and the complaints would not stop spilling out.
I then found myself Googling articles on “How to Stop Complaining”… Did you know that the average person complains between 15 and 30 times per day?!?! Aside from sobering statistics what I discovered were some very insightful articles that offered the following advice:
- Practice Mindfulness – I think I’d captured that because I was catching myself mid-complaint over and over again
- Fix it or Accept it – I decided that I either needed to fix what was wrong or surrender myself to the issue – “Is it really that big of a deal?”
Reminders – Wear a bracelet, rubber band or some other reminder to trigger your goal of limiting complaints.
- Exercise – For me it totally helps with complaining and everything else stress related in my life. Momma need to exercise not just to help with complaining. Now…I am a Yoga kind of girl – over the years I have gone to a ton of studios – here are a few of my favorite spots in the Dayton area!
Last month I was such a failure at my attempt to stop complaining that when my husband, Chris, reads this – he will be baffled about when exactly I tried this experiment. He certainly did not see a change…
He did not see a change…THEN…but I have not given up. My goal of zero-sum complaining for a month was perhaps a bit lofty. So I am taking it day by day – and I think I am winning! I’ve implemented the ideas above and I keep reminding myself how much most things don’t really matter!
I love and adore my family and my complaints are not a true reflection on how happy I am day in and day out! Life is short & wonderful & AMAZING! I am so lucky to get to spend it with a man I cherish and two littles that are perfect!
Am I the only one who has gotten caught in this vicious complaining cycle?
What techniques do you use to help you stop?
Will you join me in my quest to stop our complaint-culture?
[i] ; Here are some of the resources I consulted
- http://crucialhabits.com/how-to-stop-complaining.html:
- http://crucialhabits.com/how-to-stop-complaining.html
- http://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-ways-to-complain-less-and-be-happier/
- No Complaints Day Challenge
Gosh this was a long post! I’m kidding. LOL
I think you’re right. Complaining is a cultural issue. I was just telling Soph that she needed to give more thanks daily and dwell less on things that might have not gone the way she wanted. A different approach but one that seems to be working for my almost 9 year old. 🙂
Yes!!!
I do not do complainers, complaining, whining, moaning.
It is probably my biggest pet peeve/turnoff.
I think there is tremendous value in being vulnerable, brutally honest, and sharing struggles. But that comes from a different place than complaining to gain sympathy/attention.
When you share struggles and authentic issues, you come from a place of wanting action from yourself. It’s more so an outward expression of self-reflection, if you will. (And you take the blame)
However complaining is placing blame on others and wanting action from them to make your situation. Not cool.
Thank you for your post- I will certainly take on the challenge!!!
Am I allowed to complain about not complaining? No in all seriousness, I couldn’t agree more with you! I am going to attempt to take on the challenge and hopefully you won’t hear a lot of complaining from this gal!
I read your post several days ago and it’s still sticking with me. I have found myself evaluating my thoughts and statements and those of my family to see if we are focusing on the negative as well. Thank you for bringing this to my attention!
Oh all of this rings so true. I tried to just stop complaining at work…I cried (seriously cried) after a week because I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do it. I literally could not stop complaining.
BUT…I’m much better because at least I’m trying really really hard not to complain. I would say that eliminated at least 80% of the negativity. Good luck!
Nikki – the fact that you are consciously competent…you know that you complain and are trying to do something about it, is respectful! This is where Disney got it right, “Let it go.” Keep it up and thanks so much for sharing!
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